miss bliss


old and new loves
18 June, 2008, 1:07 pm
Filed under: telling my story walking, the haps, this life is a beautiful one

Living in Sacramento is amazing, at least in my opinion.  Yes, I realize that it’s not “big city” in the opinion of many, but I absolutely love it here.  I love the energy, the river, the art/music scene here in Midtown where I reside, the bars and restaurants and coffee shops and the fact that it really is a pretty place.  Sure, the heat during the summer makes the city reek of pee (thanks, bums!) at times and also causes me to want to make out with my central a/c because it’s so hot, but in truth, I love, love, LOVE it. 

Anyways, these pics were posted, and happen to highlight some of my favorite spots in Sac: The Beat (a record store 2 blocks from my house), Paesano’s (one of my top 5 fave restaurants in Sac), Zocalo (a really authentic Mexican place B and I frequent), Monkey Bar (home of my first drunk-in-public experience!), the Solomon Dubnick gallery (also, 2 blocks from me and a really neat gallery), and my favorite view of the city including the Tower Bridge and the Ziggeraut Building over the river.

http://forum.skyscraperpage.com/showthread.php?t=152277

Check out my fair city…I hope you can feel the magic here.  Sacramento, for better or worse, really is one of my great loves in life.

Now, onto my newest love: golf.  I love golf.  I have played a few rounds now and have been hitting at the driving range at least once a week.  Anyways, it’s my new favorite thing to do…I love the challenge, the fact that it’s never the same, the mental aspect.  Watching the US Open was amazing this week, and seeing someone as phenomenal as Tiger pull it out in a clutch moment was inspirational to say the least.  Please…I’m not deluding myself into thinking I’ll ever be anywhere near Tiger, but hell, it’s amazing.

Other things I’m loving: you may have noticed my Twitter feed at the corner of my page.  Check it out.  Start it up.  It’s really fun to see what my friends are doing and what people think about throughout the day.  Anyways, here’s my link:  www.twitter.com/missbliss421   Add me as a friend if you start it up!



good things
12 June, 2008, 9:08 am
Filed under: this life is a beautiful one

good things about the past few days:

—sitting by the river and painting with my favorite boy

—naps, afternoon baths and other relaxing moments

—a MASSIVE surprise paycheck that i had no idea i was getting {stipend for being leadership advisor}

—art time

—walks outside

—anticipating a day in sf with my girlfriends

—breakfast out!

i’m finally really, really, REALLY enjoying this not teaching thing…



listen up
11 June, 2008, 3:02 pm
Filed under: telling my story walking, word


june08playlist

Originally uploaded by missbliss421

I burn a mix CD every month…well, usually more than once a month, but always near the beginning. One of my favorite things about doing this is being able to go back and listen to months past and “hear” a picture of where I was at mentally and what I was thinkin’ about.

In case you can’t see { Flickr and I are about to break up over this photo, btw } here’s this month’s songs:

Lollipop — Lil’ Wayne
Breathe Me — Sia
Love Song — Sara Bareilles
Creator — Santogold with FreQ Nasty
Little Red Corvette — Prince, Live @ Coachella {hands down, best show I’ve ever seen, EVER!}
Karma Police — Radiohead
Time To Pretend — MGMT
Between the Bars — Elliot Smith
Anna Begins — Counting Crows
Skinny Love — Bon Iver
Brighter Than Sunshine — Aqualung
Shout Out Loud — Amos Lee
No One’s Gonna Love You — Band of Horses
How Deep Is Your Love — The Bird and the Bee
Still — Brian McKnight
You’re the World To Me — David Gray
Crush — Dave Matthews Band

Pretty good reflection of the awesome state of confusion I am livin’ in right about now…



why i will be a horrible parent
10 June, 2008, 9:57 pm
Filed under: all about amy, harry cat

Harry Cat just had a near-barf moment and I would not as much as look at him for a good 30 minutes.  Now, it is bedtime, he is curled next to me looking sweet as pie and I am seriously contemplating shutting him into the other half of my bedroom out of pure fear of being puked on in the middle of the night.

My poor kids are screwed when they have the stomach flu.



non-sequiturs
9 June, 2008, 6:17 pm
Filed under: the haps

Here’s what I’m thinkin’ about today:

— So, last week, B and I were out to dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory post-yoga, when we saw a girl get punched in the face by her boyfriend.  Um, what?  I know it’s weird, but I cannot stop thinking about it.  I guess it makes me curious about what happens behind closed doors…what kind of person is so angry that they can’t control it, even in public…what girl stays with a guy who does that…why people in the restaurant reacted the way they did…it was one of those bizarre moments that will stick with me for awhile and makes me feel sick and sad.

—Other weird thought: is getting a massage cheating?  I was working on a male client today who had specifically asked for unscented lotion.  No biggie, right?  Most men don’t find going back to the office smelling like lavendar a great way to build business.  Anyways, this guy–mid-massage–spits out that “he doesn’t need the old lady finding out he had a hot chick rubbin’ his ass”.  Um, pardon me?!  So, here’s my question to all of you smug marrieds/attached peeps: would you be pissed if you found out that your significant other had gotten a massage?  I, of course, would be LIVID, but that’s got everything to do with the fact that hello, I’m trained and nothing to do with the cheating thing…

—Am I the only teacher that misses teaching during the first week and a half of summer?  I miss my kids.  I miss my co-workers.  I miss my classroom and have spent 3 days organizing it.  I miss lesson planning.  I miss the hustle-bustle of schedules and kids and grading and books and coffee in the morning and everything else. 

—In the same vein, kinda: am I EVER GOING TO GET OFF SCHEDULE TIME?!  I am anxious about plans still…when, what time, where, gotta go to bed…when really, I have nowhere to be.  It’s weird.  I’ve been dreaming about this for months, but now that it’s here, well…

 

I think that’s all of the neurosis I’ve got time for.  It’s time for dinner and wine, and hopefully some fro-yo, if I can swing it… :)



favorite things
3 June, 2008, 1:02 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

so, i’ve never done a swap before…but this one sounded particularly fun.

maybe you should join too and start compliling a list of your favorite things



good things, and looking ahead
21 May, 2008, 6:39 am
Filed under: this life is a beautiful one

I have nearly completed my first year of teaching, and I really could not be more excited.  I’ve got a little post cookin’ about what the past year has meant, how amazing and scary and awesome it’s been, but I’m not quite ready to blog it yet.  How do you sum up a 9-month period that changed your life more than any other experience, ever? 

Anyways, besides salivating over the two months of freedom that will be mine as of next Thursday, I’ve been busy plotting what it is I’m going to do.  I plan on seeing many of you, of course, now that I am a free bird, but besides that, here’s what I’m planning:

—if you’re anything like me, you have “unfinished business”: things you want to do, things you need to let go of, etc.  Real Simple posted an awesome article about taking inventory of incompletes.  I’m currently working my way through it and creating an attack plan.  Check it out here: http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/03/25/rs.complete.yr.past/index.html

—I recently planted a little garden of mini-roses, peppers and zucchini.  Next, I hope to grow some herbs…when I had my first apartment, I grew rosemary, chives, mint and all kinds of yummy stuff to use in cooking.  My cousin rented a space for her own organic garden; I’m trying pots for now, but am definitely interested in pursuing other options.

—MASSAGE!  Looking for a massage in the Sacramento area?  Come see me!

—Making trips to San Francisco, Yosemite and Tahoe…I can’t go far, but there’s so much beauty around me, I don’t mind.

—Naps, reading books in hammocks and relaxing…

—Turning my service porch into a breakfast nook.

—Hopefully self-teaching the guitar and brushin’ up on some Spanish.

—Kicking my butt into gear for the half-marathon I’m doing in October and spending lots of time at the gym…

—Donning my apron and doing some healthy cooking and baking.

—ART ART ART!!!  Knitting.  Maybe learning to crochet.  Being creative.

 

What are your plans and dreams for the next few months?



39
13 May, 2008, 10:17 am
Filed under: learnin' lessons, this life is a beautiful one, word

I read this article awhile back and found myself thinking of it this morning…a little reminder on a day that makes me want to crawl back into bed and not come out…I think this was originally credited to Dumb Little Man or www.zenhabits.com   Hope you find it helpful…

 

It’s not fine. If you want to truly live life, to really experience it, to enjoy it to the fullest, instead of barely scraping by and only living a life of existence, then you need to find ways to break free from the mold and drink from life.

What follows is just a list of ideas, obvious ones mostly that you could have thought of yourself, but that I hope are useful reminders. We all need reminders sometimes. If you find this useful, print it out, and start using it. Today.


1. Love.

Perhaps the most important. Fall in love, if you aren’t already. If you have, fall in love with your partner all over again. Abandon caution and let your heart be broken. Or love family members, friends, anyone — it doesn’t have to be romantic love. Love all of humanity, one person at a time.


2. Get Outside.

Don’t let yourself be shut indoors. Go out when it’s raining. Walk on the beach. Hike through the woods. Swim in a freezing lake. Bask in the sun. Play sports, or walk barefoot through grass. Pay close attention to nature.


3. Savor Food.

Don’t just eat your food, but really enjoy it. Feel the texture, the bursts of flavors. Savor every bite. If you limit your intake of sweets, it will make the small treats you give yourself (berries or dark chocolate are my favorites) even more enjoyable. And when you do have them, really, really savor them. Slowly.


4. Create a Morning Ritual.

Wake early and greet the day. Watch the sun rise. Out loud, tell yourself that you will not waste this day, which is a gift. You will be compassionate to your fellow human beings, and live every moment to its fullest. Stretch or meditate or exercise as part of your ritual. Enjoy some coffee.


5. Take chances.

We often live our lives too cautiously, worried about what might go wrong. Be bold, risk it all. Quit your job and go to business for yourself (plan it out first!), or go up to that girl you’ve liked for a long time and ask her out. What do you have to lose?


6. Follow Excitement.

Try to find the things in life that excite you, and then go after them. Make life one exciting adventure after another (with perhaps some quiet times in between).


7. Find your Passion.

Similar to the above tip, this one asks you to find your calling. Make your living by doing the thing you love to do. First, think about what you really love to do. There may be many things. Find out how you can make a living doing it. It may be difficult, but you only live once.


8. Get out of your Cubicle.

Do you sit all day in front of computer, shuffling papers and taking phone calls and chatting on the Internet? Don’t waste your days like this. Break free from the cubicle environment, and do your work on a laptop, in a coffee shop, or on a boat, or in a log cabin. This may require a change of jobs, or becoming a freelancer. It’s worth it.


9. Turn off the TV.

How many hours will we waste away in front of the boob tube? How many hours do we have to live? Do the math, then unplug the TV. Only plug it back in when you have a DVD of a movie you love. Otherwise, keep it off and find other stuff to do. Don’t know what to do? Read further.


10. Pull away from Internet.

You’re reading something on the Internet right now. And, with the exception of this article, it is just more wasting away of your precious time. You cannot get these minutes back. Unplug the Internet, then get out of your office or house. Right now! And go and do something.


11. Travel.

Sure, you want to travel some day. When you have vacation time, or when you’re older. Well, what are you waiting for? Find a way to take a trip, if not this month, then sometime soon. You may need to sell your car or stop your cable bill and stop eating out to do it, but make it happen. You are too young to not see the world. If need be, find a way to make a living by freelancing, then work while you travel. Only work an hour or two a day. Don’t check email but once a week. Then use the rest of the time to see the world.


12. Rediscover what’s Important.

Take an hour and make a list of everything that’s important to you. Add to it everything that you want to do in life. Now cut that list down to 4-5 things. Just the most important things in your life. This is your core list. This is what matters. Focus your life on these things. Make time for them.


13. Eliminate Everything Else.

What’s going on in your life that’s not on that short list? All that stuff is wasting your time, pulling your attention from what’s important. As much as possible, simplify your life by eliminating the stuff that’s not on your short list, or minimizing it.


14. Exercise.

Get off the couch and go for a walk. Eventually try running. Or do some push ups and crunches. Or swim or bike or row. Or go for a hike. Whatever you do, get active, and you’ll love it. And life will be more alive.


15. Be Positive.

Learn to recognize the negative thoughts you have. These are the self-doubts, the criticisms of others, the complaints, the reasons you can’t do something. Then stop yourself when you have these thoughts, and replace them with positive thoughts. Solutions. You can do this!


16. Open your heart. Is your heart a closed bundle of scar tissue? Learn to open it, have it ready to receive love, to give love unconditionally. If you have a problem with this, talk to someone about it. And practice makes perfect.


17. Kiss in the Rain.

Seize the moment and be romantic. Raining outside? Grab your lover and give her a passionate kiss. Driving home? Stop the car and pick some wildflowers. Send her a love note. Dress sexy for him.


18. Face your Fears.

What are you most afraid of? What is holding you back? Whatever it is, recognize it, and face it. Do what you are most afraid of. Afraid of heights? Go to the tallest building, and look down over the edge. Only by facing our fears can we be free of them.


19. When you Suffer, Suffer.

Life isn’t all about fun and games. Suffering is an inevitable part of life. We lose our jobs. We lose our lovers. We lose our pets. We get physically injured or sick. A loved one becomes sick. A parent dies. Learn to feel the pain intensely, and really grieve. This is a part of life — really feel the pain. And when you’re done, move on, and find joy.

 

20. Slow Down.

Life moves along at such a rapid pace these days. It’s not healthy, and it’s not conducive to living. Practice doing everything slowly — everything, from eating to walking to driving to working to reading. Enjoy what you do. Learn to move at a snail’s pace.


21. Touch Humanity.

Get out of your house and manicured neighborhoods, and find those who live in worse conditions. Meet them, talk to them, understand them. Live among them. Be one of them. Give up your materialistic lifestyle.


22. Volunteer.

Help at homeless soup kitchens. Learn compassion, and learn to help ease the suffering of others. Help the sick, those with disabilities, those who are dying.


23. Play with Children.

Children, more than anyone else, know how to live. They experience everything in the moment, fully. When they get hurt, they really cry. When they play, they really have fun. Learn from them, instead of thinking you know so much more than them. Play with them, and learn to be joyful like them.


24. Talk to old People.

There is no one wiser, more experienced, more learned, than those who have lived through life. They can tell you amazing stories. Give you advice on making a marriage last or staying out of debt. Tell you about their regrets, so you can learn from them and avoid the same mistakes. They are the wisdom of our society — take advantage of their existence while they’re still around.


25. Learn New Skills.

Constantly improve yourself instead of standing still — not because you’re so imperfect now, but because it is gratifying and satisfying. You should accept yourself as you are, and learn to love who you are, but still try to improve — if only because the process of improvement is life itself.


26. Find Spirituality.

For some, this means finding God or Jesus or Allah or Buddha. For others, this means becoming in tune with the spirits of our ancestors, or with nature. For still others, this just means an inner energy. Whatever spirituality means for you, rediscover it, and its power.

 

27. Take Mini-Retirements.

Don’t leave the joy of retirement until you are too old to enjoy it. Do it now, while you’re young. It makes working that much more worth it. Find ways to take a year off every few years. Save up, sell your home, your possessions, and travel. Live simply, but live, without having to work. Enjoy life, then go back to work and save up enough money to do it again in a couple of years.


28. Do Nothing.

Despite the tip above that we should find excitement, there is value in doing nothing as well. Not doing nothing as in reading, or taking a nap, or watching TV, or meditating. Doing nothing as in sitting there, doing nothing. Just learning to be still, in silence, to hear our inner voice, to be in tune with life. Do this daily if possible.


29. Stop playing video games.

They might be fun, but they can take up way too much time. If you spend a lot of time playing online games, or computer solitaire, or Wii or Gameboy or whatever, consider going a week without it. Then find something else to do, outside.


30. Watch sunsets, daily.

One of the most beautiful times of day. Make it a daily ritual to find a good spot to watch the sunset, perhaps having a light dinner while you do so.


31. Stop Reading Magazines.

They’re basically crap. And they waste your time and money. Cancel your subscriptions and walk past them at the news stands. If you have to read something, read a trashy novel or even better, read Dumb Little Man once a day and be done.


32. Break out from ruts.

Do you do things the same way every day? Change it up. Try something new. Take a different route to work. Start your day out differently. Approach work from a new angle. Look at things from new perspectives.


33. Stop watching the news.

It’s depressing and useless. If you’re a news junky, this may be difficult. I haven’t watch TV news or read a newspaper regularly in about two years. It hasn’t hurt me a bit. Anything important, my mom tells me about.

34. Laugh till you cry.

Laughing is one of the best ways to live. Tell jokes and laugh your head off. Watch an awesome comedy. Learn to laugh at anything. Roll on the ground laughing. You’ll love it.


35. Lose control.

Not only control over yourself, but control over others. It’s a bad habit to try to control others — it will only lead to stress and unhappiness for yourself and those you try to control. Let others live, and live for yourself. And lose control of yourself now and then too.


36. Cry.

Men, especially, tend to hold in our tears, but crying is an amazing release. Cry at sad movies. Cry at a funeral. Cry when you are hurt, or when somebody you love is hurt. It releases these emotions and allows us to cleanse ourselves.


37. Make an Awesome Dessert.

I like to make warm, soft chocolate cake. But even berries dipped in chocolate, or crepes with ice cream and fruit, or fresh apple pie, or homemade chocolate chip cookies or brownies, are great. This isn’t an every day thing, but an occasional treat thing. But it’s wonderful.


38. Try something new, every week.

Ask yourself: “What new thing shall I try this week?” Then be sure to do it. You don’t have to learn a new language in one week, but seek new experiences. Give it a try. You might decide you want to keep it in your life.


39. Be in the Moment.

Instead of thinking about things you need to do, or things that have happened to you, or worrying or planning or regretting, think about what you are doing, right now. What is around you? What smells and sounds and sights and feelings are you experiencing? Learn to do this as much as possible through meditation, but also through bringing your focus back to the present as much as you can in everything you do

 



what’s up in my world…
9 May, 2008, 10:27 am
Filed under: telling my story walking

it’s been a freakishly long absence, and not without reason.  life has been really, really, really nuts.  a preview:

  • i turned 25
  • went to coachella and had an amazing time
  • had incredibly scary incidents on my campus at school, including the death of an innocent kid
  • have been spending copious amounts of time with friends, family and those i love
  • am slowly but surely getting my fat ass in shape with kickboxing, the gym hot yoga, and training for a half marathon with b
  • broke up with a and…
  • am trying to figure out what’s next with b (if anything at all)
  • currently have 13 more days of teaching
  • found out i’ll be teaching 8th grade ap/avid next year…a challenge i couldn’t be more excited about
  • have been doing a lot of mending, healing, and growing…

i wish i had something super inspirational or encouraging to post here…i don’t.  life is a big swirl of emotions right now, an equal share of peace and anxiety, love and hate, joy and sadness.  things are neither bad nor good, and there are moments when my smile couldn’t be bigger, and moments when i am reduced to tears instantaneously. 

so, that’s where i’ve been…i’ll keep ya posted on where i am going.

 

xo



modern love…
1 April, 2008, 12:17 pm
Filed under: relationships, word

Awhile back, I posted that I was writing a piece on Modern Love for a NY Times contest, and I did!  I wanted to wait until after the submission deadline to make it public.  That was yesterday, so, without futher adeiu, I present…my take on Modern Love:

It was the moment I dread on every first date.  Our sushi plates had been cleared and the bottle of white wine was empty.  Conversation was dwindling (actually, it had never taken off) and the waiter had made the rounds with the dessert menu.  I drummed my nails against the black faux-granite table and eavesdropped on the conversation happening at the table next to me.  The smiling waiter approached.

“Anything else tonight, folks?” he asked.

I shook my head.  I knew what was coming next: the little black plastic check holder of awkwardness.

As it sat between us on the table, the world’s smallest, lightest elephant, I saw my date eye it and look away, pretending to be distracted by the neon track lights displayed on the wall in the shape of a sushi roll.  I waited, smiling.  He didn’t move for the bill, and quite frankly I was more than ready to get the evening over with.  I reached for the envelope, and he looked startled and then faked shock.

“Oh!  Uh, I’ll get it!” he said falsely, making a lame half-grab for it.

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I set my Visa in the middle, half smiling, half smirking.  When the waiter returned, having swiped my card, I calculated tip and signed the bill in silence, my date looking everywhere but at the table, making awkward jokes and faking yawns.  I was quieter than necessary; not because I was angry, but because I wished he’d shut up so I could calculate exactly how much I was paying for this miserable evening.  As we stood up to say goodnight, he croaked out a quick “Thanks!” and made the universal “rocker” sign of index and pinky finger extended.

“Women’s rights, huh?” he said, laughing nervously.

“Something like that,” I said, confident that this would never, ever go anywhere. 

Later, he told the mutual friend that set us up that I was “too independent” and that he “didn’t know what to do with a girl like me.”  I laughed when she told me, but the truth is that it made me angry.  He asked ME out, didn’t he?  Was I supposed to sit and wait for him to pick it up?  I gave him ample opportunity to do something.  And believe me, it wasn’t as if the conversation was so breathtaking that we couldn’t be interrupted.  I could see the same relief in his eyes when the waiter came over with the bill that this could finally be over.  I took his lack of action as a sign that he wanted me to handle it.  So, I handled it.

A few weeks later, I sat in a dark, swanky restaurant eating overpriced chicken mini-pizza and drinking Riesling with two girlfriends, retelling the story.  One of them looked at me over her red-framed glasses and said, “So?  Sounds pretty typical to me.”  My other friend agreed.  This is what dating has come to: an awkward string of interactions where no one knows how to behave or who should be doing what. 

This is disheartening, at least to me.  30 years ago, dates were pretty cut and dry: he picked you up, met your father who gave him a strict talking to and laid down a curfew, took you to dinner and a movie and maybe, just maybe on the 5th or 10th date you might kiss.  If things went well, you wore his letterman’s jacket, he wore your pin and you were married right out of high school.  Ah, simplistic, old-fashioned love.  While it may not have been easier or less emotional, it was clearer.  Everyone knew their place; there was no haggling over the bill or when to call or who should do what. 

But now?  Forget waiting for that dreamy hunk to ask you out.  As a girl, if you’re interested, you are no longer restricted to making a move for the Sadie Hawkins dance or confessing your love on Valentine’s Day; in fact, you are half-expected to do something.  But not too much.  It’s perfectly acceptable to suggest something non-committal: coffee, a drink or hell, some witty email banter.  A “date” usually means meeting someone for a quick drink after work, where you both show up at different times and buy your own drinks, or my favorite—alternate buying rounds while slyly checking your cell phone, scoping out prospects and feigning interest.  Gone are the days of phone calls post-date; you’re lucky to receive a “Thanx 4 a gr8 time” via text message or a MySpace comment.  And if you don’t, do you send one?  How long does one wait before doing so?  If things go well enough, the whole rigmarole repeats itself, with wondering who should call and pay on the second round.  It’s exhausting. 

As far as getting physical, the debate has shifted from when do you kiss to how long to you wait to put out?  Does sleeping with someone “early on” (whenever that is!) position you as a Paris Hilton or a Natalie Portman?  And once you have slept together, and you reside in this purgatory holding pattern, what are you? 

The worst part is that it doesn’t stop with dates.  Even the term “relationship” has undergone a complete metamorphosis.  It’s been replaced by “hanging out” or having a “friend with benefits”.  If you finally do arrive at that hallowed state of referring to someone as your boyfriend or girlfriend, there are even more rules!  There is some unwritten difference between being serious and being casual; in taking it slow to being committed, but no one seems to know what this means or how to play the game.  At least none of my friends do.  We are in our early 20’s; worldly, educated, and independent, yet utterly confused and mystified at how to do this whole love thing.  Can you even buy letterman’s jackets any more?  Where do you get these pins we read so much about in 50’s romance novels?

As 24-year-old woman, struggles like this are the only constants of modern love.  What was once a black and white situation is now convoluted and confused, a gray area muddled by technology and shifts in societal norms.  To text or not to text?  And if you do, what do you say?  Drive by his house?  No way—just check his Facebook!  Do I buy my own dinner, or is that emasculating for the man?  Can I suggest hanging out again, and if so, when is too soon?  Do I play by the invisible rules laid out by our eloquent predecessors of the 90’s (No plans after Wednesday!  Make him call you!  Appear uninterested!) or is that playing games?  If I offer to make dinner, am I boxing myself in as someone who is eager to be a trophy wife?  Even these things have been replaced by deciphering how long one should wait before emailing back and how many text messages are too many.  Where is the line between normal interest and Britney crazy?  After a date, a male friend recently lamented to me:

“I sent her two texts and she said she couldn’t hang out again until next week.  I ran into her at a bar, and she was out with someone else!” 

“Who were you out with?”  I asked.

“Another girl,” he admitted.

“Well?”

“She’s playing a game with me!”

I countered with my own dating tale: we’d hung out once, had a great time, emailed back and forth and then I suggested he come over for dinner with some mutual friends.  He beat around the bush saying he’d probably-maybe-most likely want to come and then recanted, saying he had plans.  My friend’s response: “Oh, far too direct!  Ease up on the guy!”

In true form of my generation, I ask: WTF?

I’m not saying the guys have it easy.  A friend of mine once said that he gets a knot in his stomach every time he opens a door when a woman is around because he never knows if “she’ll simply say thanks and walk through or if she’ll be offended and think he believed her incapable of opening the door on her own.”  A friend told me about a woman who got so offended that he paid the bill while she was in the bathroom that she refused to hang out with him again, writing him off as “dominant and controlling.”  As far as the sex question goes, most of my guy friends are in an easy consensus: any sex is good sex.  But when asked if that changes how you see the girl the next day, the answer is masked by “No, that’d be a double standard!”  When one looks at how many of those girls get a second date that isn’t just a hookup, the answer to that question is glaringly obvious. 

We are undefined, mostly because we like it that way.  Women before me have shattered glass ceilings and tradition to clear the way so that women can say, do and be anything they want.  And damn, am I grateful.  Many of the guys I know like that some of the pressure is off when if comes to asking a woman out, and hey, what guy is going to turn down a free dinner?  I also love it when a guy buys (not just on the first date) or pays my cover or gives me his coat when it’s cold; guys I know still like the chase and playing prince to the damsel in distress.  For the record, I would also love it if we could have amazing first date sex, before I know how nasty your refrigerator is, how loud you snore and all the other ugly things about you, but still have you look at me like a delicate, pure flower you’d want to take home to mom (and I don’t think I’m alone here, right gals?).  Will we ever escape the dreaded sexual double standard that still rages on in bars and bedrooms across the world?

I don’t believe these ideals must be mutually exclusive, as best evidenced by an exchange I had with a close male friend recently.  We had dinner (he bought) and drinks (my dime).  He unlocked and opened the car door for me; I sat down, reached over and unlocked his door.  I thanked him, and made a snarky comment about how the only guy who ever opens the car door for me is my father. 

He looked at me and said, “Isn’t that all we ever want?  For someone to unlock the car door, and then we do the same for them?”

Maybe it’s not so complicated after all.